If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize