What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
