I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize