R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
