You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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