Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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