I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
