Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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