Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
