Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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