I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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