Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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