I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
