I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
