ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
