just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize