She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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