Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize