Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
