Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
