Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
