i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
