Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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