Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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