and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
