I hate your face
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
