At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
