You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
