Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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