im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize