Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So much rum. So many feels.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
