I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
