Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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