FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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