Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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