I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
