I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We have started to decorate penises.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
