so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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