tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
