I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
