A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
