i permit you to call me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
