We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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