Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
