Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
