Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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