they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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