oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
