Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
