i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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