Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize