Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
