What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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