so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
