That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
