I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish i was in the wii world.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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