Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
