True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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