Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
