you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
