I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
