Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
