I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
