Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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