I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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