Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
