She is in my trunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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