Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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