I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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