I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
