Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
