dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
