Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
