Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
