i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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