I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
