my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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