Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
