Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How does it feel to date your dad?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
