Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
