I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
how does that bad decision feel?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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