Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
