Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
