Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
