So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize