the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
