Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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