I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
