dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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