I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
