You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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