remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
