I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
