you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
