The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
