I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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