I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Enjoy the penises
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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