I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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