"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize