no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
